This Gay Week in Sports: Michael Phelps, Britney Spears
27th November 2008
This Thanksgiving gives us plenty in the sports world to be thankful for. USC is still in BCS contention despite the antics of the pesky Oregon State Beavers (and when did beavers do anything for gay men?), the San Jose Sharks are making the Bay Area folks happy, and Britney’s new album is just around the corner (hey, a circus is sort of sporty, right?).
But what I’m most thankful for is the overexposure (in more ways than one) of my favorite manfish, Michael Phelps. The big-toothed, big-eared swimboy graces one of four covers of GQ’s December Men of the Year issue, showing a lotta skin and eschewing his goofy grin (which I melt for but others don’t love as much), especially for a men’s mag.
But my favorite part of the cornucopia of deliciousness is the little shot of the Phelpsian torso with Speedo pulled down enough to finally get a full length look at the tantalizing Olympic rings tattoo on his right hip. Not that it’s my desktop wallpaper or anything.
There’s a lot to be thankful for if you’re a member of the Danish football club FC Copenhagen (that’s soccer to us Yanks). They’ve been promised not one, but TWO porn flicks each time they win by one of the team sponsors, adult film distributors BN Agentur.
Yes, the team has porno on their sponsorship list. And Club chairman Flemming Ostergaard has no problem with it. And why should he, when in these unsteady economic times the one thing that will never falter is escapism, meaning the entertainment industry is still going strong. And that means everything from “Bolt” to Colt.
Only in Europe. Can you imagine? “Welcome to Dodger Stadium, brought to you by Budweiser and Chi Chi LaRue: Never lets you down, but might fill you up!”
If one loudmouth boxer gets his wish, those lucky Danes might catch a glimpse of more than just his left hook. Former mugger-turned-light-welterweight would-be champion Paulie Malignaggi has some lofty ideas for his post-ring career options.
“I’ve joked about being a porn star but I have all the necessary equipment and I have total confidence in my porn star abilities,” said Malignaggi, preparing to fight a rival known as the Manchester Hitman (who, incidentally, has a 44-1 record). “I could be a superstud. I’ve already done some modelling for Playboy Magazine and that went well.”
don’t know if the guy has taken one too many hits with the snake or if he’s undergone some sort of transformation recently, but when was the last time you saw any man in a Playboy spread that would remotely qualify for pornography? (Come to think of it, when was the last time you actually picked up a Playboy?)
And don’t say the latter couldn’t happen, because we are happy to share the news that one German pole vaulter’s desire to be a real boy has been granted by the Blue Fairy, and without the nose-growing catch.
Yvonne Buschbaum underwent the final surgical transformation this month to become Balian (that’s a man’s name, in case you wondered). His new, um, pole, the result of a long and expensive hormone therapy regimen and aforementioned surgical procedure, seems to be a great transition for the former European bronze medalist (in 1998 and 2002), who wrote in his online journal that he is still “flying on… clouds of freedom.”
Buschbaum’s new lease on life also brings a new career; Balian will no longer be allowed to compete (although that might have more to do with the hormones and steroids involved in the transition which are banned as “performance enhancing”), but he will continue to serve as a coach.
Miami Dolphins running back Ricky Williams is also in touch with his feminine side, talking in an interview with Playboy (see, THAT’S a legit story) about his now infamous ESPN Magazine cover in which he appears in a wedding dress with New Orleans Saints coach Mike Ditka.
In the interview, Williams explains, “In 9th grade, I dressed as a cheerleader on Halloween. It was my idea to wear the wedding dress. I didn’t think it would offend anyone. I just wanted to show my relationship with Ditka.” Williams scored points in a recent interview by thanking his fans, “straight or gay,” which is more than Barack Obama ever said in his campaign about the community. Williams has recently returned to the NFL after a brief suspension for pot smoking. Which explains a lot.
We close on this Thanksgiving 'Gay Week in Sports' with an update on those wacky Mormons, who SportsbyBrooks.com introduced by saying, “When we last saw the Mormons, they were attempting to kill love.” (Sidenote: the titular Brooks, author of the very amusing and informative sports gossip blog, is not only quite a BILF, or Blogger I’d Like to… you know… but also demonstrates refreshingly progressive ideas intermixed with his macho L.A. sports buff tone.)
Now the Mormons are trying to spread the gospel of pole dancing for fitness. The petition for inclusion in the London 2012 games of “pole fitness,” a term used in an attempt to squelch the sex and fun out of the eyebrow-raising activity, has apparently garnered “300 signatures from people all over the world,” according to a CBS news item.
This comes on the heels of a similar effort in Germany, which we reported a couple months back. And I’m thankful that my joke from that column is even more timely today: perhaps there’s hope for Britney Spears to someday bring home a gold medal to drape over her VMAs. Oh what a circus, oh what a show!
Source: Gay Wired